dear rupert

dear rupert

it has been a long time since we have spoken, i dare say it’s close to never now, but it has not stopped me from observing your farming business from afar. it appears you’re in a spot of bother and felt it would be remiss of me not to at least offer a different point of view. we are distant relatives after all, even though our relationship goes back to the origin of our species.

you have been grazing cattle on the same lands now for some time now but those cattle have stopped coming. i don’t know if it has something to do with this dreaded Global Warming i keep hearing the young kids talk about. i’m no enviro-mentalist rupert, but i do know a drought when i see one. you are a wise landowner rupert, so i don’t mean to second guess your response to this drought. so can you explain it to me? perhaps if i paraphrase in my own words you can clarify if i interpret you correctly:

1. the cattle have stopped coming to your pastures to graze, so the farmers have stopped paying you
2. your response is to now fence off your grazing lands, and charge not just the farmers, but also each head of cattle who comes through the door.

forgive me if I am wrong rupert, but i don’t know if this bovine music festival approach will work.

may i offer you a suggestion? instead of charging cattle, why don’t you buy the grazing lands that the cattle are grazing? with your vast resources surely this is a better approach. then perhaps the farmers will start paying you again because you own the lands on which their cows want to graze?

i hear that landowner arrington has a great property he calls “techcrunch” and landowner huffington has a property she calls “huffington post”. If the will cattle graze, the farmers will pay.

i beg your forgiveness rupert if i have been impertinent, but i write this letter with only the sincerest of intentions. you have been very good at tending to your old lands, but some say, wiser men than i, our best products will be our downfall in the end. words to that effect anyway, i think the fellow’s name was clayton m. christiansen, went to a fancy school.

anyway, i wish you all the best. that’s all the free advice i have, you know where to find me, my contract rates are reasonable.

humbly yours

jonathan nguyen